Ink Blots
(Warning: Graphic Post)
I underwent an HSG last Friday. Before I went I prepared myself- meaning I read dozens of online comments from women who had undergone one. Now, in case you don't know, an HSG (hysterosalpingography) is a procedure where a doctor shoots a dye like material into your uterine to see if the material flows into your fallopian tubes. A lot of women experience infertility because their fallopian tubes are blocked, so this test checks to see if that's a problem.
I was a bit nervous- I had heard that the pain level varied depending on who you ask. I tend to deal well with pain, but I still was a bit nervous.
I arrived at the imaging center. I had called around to dozens of centers to find the cheapest. This one won at $240. As soon as I arrived I knew why it was the cheapest: it was undergoing renovations. It looked like the place hadn't been updated since the 80's- floral wallpaper, blue cabinets, etc. The place undergoing a massive renovation, so it seemed like a third world country- the ceiling tiles were removed, wires were everywhere, etc. I figured I wasn't going to pay an extra $100 to have a pretty office, and as long as the equipment worked, who cared? Besides, I would be laying on a table, naked under a gown, having some doctor look at my privates- I doubted the wall color would matter to me.
I was lead into a room and asked to change into just a hospital gown. When I came out I was directed to a table. I don't think it was meant for HSGs because there were no stirrups- I had to just place my feet directly on the table. I waited for a while and eventually the doctor came in. He was no nonsense, told me to lay down, knees up, and got right to it.
He inserted the speculum, which is, as most women know, just a wonderful experience (read: sarcasm). Once the speculum was in place, I peered to the side my knees and saw him pull out a LARGE, VERY LONG needle. I just about panicked- but somehow I held it together. I wasn't going to look anymore because the doctor knew what he was doing, and I didn't need to know all of the details.
The doctor talked me through the process- told me what he was doing. Next to me was the x-ray machine (I think that's what it is), so I could actually watch the dye as it was shot into my privates. It is amazing what we can do.
At some point the doctor told me I would feel a little pinch, so I took a deep breath, preparing for a little pinch. The doctor was a liar. I didn't feel a little pinch. I didn't feel a medium pinch. I didn't even feel a big pinch. I felt a stabbing my my vagina. It hurt like nothing I've ever felt before. It was bad enough for me to yelp out loud. But, it was a very short lived pain- as in just a few seconds, and I was better. The rest is a blur. The test doesn't take that long- maybe 10 minutes.
When he was done I was instructed to lay for a while so the dye could leak out. After about five minutes I sat up. The sheet under me was covered in the brown dye material. It was pretty darn nasty. I got up and went to meet the doctor.
I'm happy to report that the results came back positive- my tubes are not blocked.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Baby Talk.
There are periods where I can go for days without having to talk about babies, pregnant friends, or trying to conceive. Then there are periods where it seems like that is all anyone is talking about. It is an all or nothing type of situation. I am in the midst of an "all" period.
I work in a male dominated area. I actually like it a lot. There's really not a lot of drama or gossip. The men talk about sports at lunch, not about getting pregnant or their newborn babies. That is, until last week.
I went to lunch with two male co-workers. One is married, with three kids (the youngest two are twins), and the other is about to get married. The conversation proceeded normally throughout lunch- we talked about sports, about our workplace, and on a project we are working on. It was when we started walking back that they started a funny conversation.
The man about to get married started talking about how his fiance wants to have children right away. The older of the two men then started to talk about how that's a good idea because after the age of 35, the chances of getting pregnant dwindle, and anyway, after 35 the babies are more prone to problems. Then they started talking about artificial insemination and IVF. The older man with twins commented that any time twins were born, it was likely because the couple used IVF or some assistance in getting pregnant. Finally, when I had enough, I said, "Hey guys, can we change the subject? I'm not getting any younger." They seemed a bit surprised by my comment, but luckily they changed the subject.
It was a surreal moment. I began to wonder why it was that they brought it up. Is this something that men think about as well? Was the man with twins trying to tell me in his own way that he had trouble conceiving? Did my comments give me away? It's frustrating to think that my situation is apparent to everyone around me, even (no offense) sometime clueless co-workers who only talk about how the Lakers and Cowboys are playing.
I take pride in being a private person (that's why this blog is hard for me). It is upsetting when I think that people I'm not really close with can read me and know the situation I'm in. I haven't told anyone at work- so they hadn't heard it from anyone. I wonder if I am doing something, if I look at baby pictures too long, if I say things in a way that give me away. I wish I knew so I would be able to turn it on and off. I like the escape of my work, and I'd like to keep it just that- an escape from this infertility process. I just need to figure out how to do that.
There are periods where I can go for days without having to talk about babies, pregnant friends, or trying to conceive. Then there are periods where it seems like that is all anyone is talking about. It is an all or nothing type of situation. I am in the midst of an "all" period.
I work in a male dominated area. I actually like it a lot. There's really not a lot of drama or gossip. The men talk about sports at lunch, not about getting pregnant or their newborn babies. That is, until last week.
I went to lunch with two male co-workers. One is married, with three kids (the youngest two are twins), and the other is about to get married. The conversation proceeded normally throughout lunch- we talked about sports, about our workplace, and on a project we are working on. It was when we started walking back that they started a funny conversation.
The man about to get married started talking about how his fiance wants to have children right away. The older of the two men then started to talk about how that's a good idea because after the age of 35, the chances of getting pregnant dwindle, and anyway, after 35 the babies are more prone to problems. Then they started talking about artificial insemination and IVF. The older man with twins commented that any time twins were born, it was likely because the couple used IVF or some assistance in getting pregnant. Finally, when I had enough, I said, "Hey guys, can we change the subject? I'm not getting any younger." They seemed a bit surprised by my comment, but luckily they changed the subject.
It was a surreal moment. I began to wonder why it was that they brought it up. Is this something that men think about as well? Was the man with twins trying to tell me in his own way that he had trouble conceiving? Did my comments give me away? It's frustrating to think that my situation is apparent to everyone around me, even (no offense) sometime clueless co-workers who only talk about how the Lakers and Cowboys are playing.
I take pride in being a private person (that's why this blog is hard for me). It is upsetting when I think that people I'm not really close with can read me and know the situation I'm in. I haven't told anyone at work- so they hadn't heard it from anyone. I wonder if I am doing something, if I look at baby pictures too long, if I say things in a way that give me away. I wish I knew so I would be able to turn it on and off. I like the escape of my work, and I'd like to keep it just that- an escape from this infertility process. I just need to figure out how to do that.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Blog Awards. A fellow blogger nominated me for a blog award- thank you MRHK Musings. So I'm going to keep the bandwagon going and follow the rules (sort-of).
So the rules are as follows:
So the rules are as follows:
- Share who gave you this award to you with a link back to their blog (above)
- Write down 7 random facts about yourself.
- Give this award to other bloggers.
- Let them know they’ve won
- Pop the award on your blog
- I am fluent in Italian. I lived over there for several years and was even engaged to an Italian man. But I missed my family too much so I moved back to the USA.
- I am heavily addicted to cinamon gum. I seriously cannot have a pack of it because I will eat the entire pack in 30 minutes. It's become a joke between my husband and I!
- I love beer. I love beer like a lot of people love wine. In fact, I am a certified beer server, certified by Cicerone- which is similiar to the first level sommelier certification. I don't work in the field, but one day on a dare I just took the test without taking any class- and I passed.
- I started a book club. I love to read, so I got a few girlfriends to get together and start a book club.
- My favorite color is either red or blue, depending on my mood. But I can't stand purple.
- I love dogs, was raised with them, and love them so much. We live in a small condo and don't have room to have one, and I wish we did.
- I work way too much. I have a good career, but I end up working 60-70 hour week every week, and have for the past 6 years. It gets old and I would love to go part time, but with these looming expenses, student debt, and living in a very expensive area, we can't afford to live off of one salary.
The Sperm are Swimmers!
The husband got his test results back- his sperm are healthy, strong, and ready to go! I could see the relief fall across his face when he got the news. He's been very upset and bothered by this whole process and I thought it was because he was worried about his "manhood." Now that he's got a clean bill of health he's back to normal- very interested and supportive. I'm glad to have him back.
Tomorrow I go in for my HSG. I'm a little worried about that. I've heard that they are no big deal, that some women feel the pain is worse than child birth, etc. I've scheduled it for 10:00 a.m., so I'll have to go into work afterwards. Hope it goes well!
The husband got his test results back- his sperm are healthy, strong, and ready to go! I could see the relief fall across his face when he got the news. He's been very upset and bothered by this whole process and I thought it was because he was worried about his "manhood." Now that he's got a clean bill of health he's back to normal- very interested and supportive. I'm glad to have him back.
Tomorrow I go in for my HSG. I'm a little worried about that. I've heard that they are no big deal, that some women feel the pain is worse than child birth, etc. I've scheduled it for 10:00 a.m., so I'll have to go into work afterwards. Hope it goes well!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
TTC 1 year, 3 months, 23 days
Facebook
Ahh Facebook. The place you go to keep in touch with your long lost high school friends, to see where everyone else ended up, and to keep tabs on your distant family. It's a great place, I know what's going on in my cousin's life even though she is thousands of miles away and we haven't spoken over the phone in years (she is much older than I am, and we were raised in different parts of the country).
But you know what? Every time I log onto Facebook there's another damn baby announcement. Every time I log on, there's a sense of slight dread. Friends from high school all have kids. Friends in my current life making announcements. Pictures of ultrasounds posted everywhere.
I'm happy for these people, seriously I am. But sometimes you just want to have a baby-announcement-free trip to Facebook.
I have a few friends who don't have kids/aren't pregnant. Although it's unspoken, I feel like we try to make our lives look extravagant and interesting on Facebook, perhaps to compete with the pregnancy announcements. Friends without babies check-in at nice restaurants/hotels, they take trips and post pictures of the trips and themselves drinking, they update their status with cool, chick sayings. But eventually they just sort of stop posting. As my friends start having their second and third child, they simply don't have time for Facebook, and logging in loses it's luster just a little bit. So even the friends without kids start logging on.
Perhaps the solution is to go cold turkey with Facebook- just be done with it. But I seriously enjoy reading about family and friends, especially the ones I am not close with. In reality I should just get over the jealousy and take my own path in life- but I'm not there yet. I'll get there.
For the record, I have 291 friends on Facebook. 133 are female friends. 61 have kids or are pregnant. 72 do not. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Of the 72, 59 are either not married or are in a same-sex relationship. So, out of the 146 straight, married female friends, 133 are pregnant or already have kids. That's 91%, folks.
Ahh Facebook. The place you go to keep in touch with your long lost high school friends, to see where everyone else ended up, and to keep tabs on your distant family. It's a great place, I know what's going on in my cousin's life even though she is thousands of miles away and we haven't spoken over the phone in years (she is much older than I am, and we were raised in different parts of the country).
But you know what? Every time I log onto Facebook there's another damn baby announcement. Every time I log on, there's a sense of slight dread. Friends from high school all have kids. Friends in my current life making announcements. Pictures of ultrasounds posted everywhere.
I'm happy for these people, seriously I am. But sometimes you just want to have a baby-announcement-free trip to Facebook.
I have a few friends who don't have kids/aren't pregnant. Although it's unspoken, I feel like we try to make our lives look extravagant and interesting on Facebook, perhaps to compete with the pregnancy announcements. Friends without babies check-in at nice restaurants/hotels, they take trips and post pictures of the trips and themselves drinking, they update their status with cool, chick sayings. But eventually they just sort of stop posting. As my friends start having their second and third child, they simply don't have time for Facebook, and logging in loses it's luster just a little bit. So even the friends without kids start logging on.
Perhaps the solution is to go cold turkey with Facebook- just be done with it. But I seriously enjoy reading about family and friends, especially the ones I am not close with. In reality I should just get over the jealousy and take my own path in life- but I'm not there yet. I'll get there.
For the record, I have 291 friends on Facebook. 133 are female friends. 61 have kids or are pregnant. 72 do not. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Of the 72, 59 are either not married or are in a same-sex relationship. So, out of the 146 straight, married female friends, 133 are pregnant or already have kids. That's 91%, folks.
Monday, April 23, 2012
TTC: 1 year 3 months 22 days
Today is my first day on clomid. I'm to take 2 tablets a day for 5 days. Friday I go in for my HSG, and on Saturday I go into the doctor and schedule a trigger shot.
We're still waiting for my husband's results. We went to the doctor on Saturday, and they indicated the lab had lost the results. They didn't seem upset by it, and didn't recommend taking another sample. I'd like to call in today to get the results, but my husband told me he'd like to wait until Saturday so it doesn't mess up his week.
We had some somber news this weekend. Husband's boss's mom passed away. She's only 3 years older than my mom, so that's always eye opening. I've known my husband's boss since I was a child, so this is affecting me a lot.
I could use some good news. If the sperm results are good, that would be nice. Another part of me feels like if the news is bad, I might as well find out now, and not drag this somber period out any longer. But what if I call and the news is bad? Do I not tell my husband and wait until Saturday to have the doctor tell him?
All of these questions are just whirling around in my head. Maybe one day my head will be filled with more answers than questions. Probably not.
Today is my first day on clomid. I'm to take 2 tablets a day for 5 days. Friday I go in for my HSG, and on Saturday I go into the doctor and schedule a trigger shot.
We're still waiting for my husband's results. We went to the doctor on Saturday, and they indicated the lab had lost the results. They didn't seem upset by it, and didn't recommend taking another sample. I'd like to call in today to get the results, but my husband told me he'd like to wait until Saturday so it doesn't mess up his week.
We had some somber news this weekend. Husband's boss's mom passed away. She's only 3 years older than my mom, so that's always eye opening. I've known my husband's boss since I was a child, so this is affecting me a lot.
I could use some good news. If the sperm results are good, that would be nice. Another part of me feels like if the news is bad, I might as well find out now, and not drag this somber period out any longer. But what if I call and the news is bad? Do I not tell my husband and wait until Saturday to have the doctor tell him?
All of these questions are just whirling around in my head. Maybe one day my head will be filled with more answers than questions. Probably not.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
TTC 1 year, 3 months, 20 days
Quiet Families.
My family is loud. The complete opposite of quiet. Each and every single family member firmly believes that if they speak the loudest, everyone will believe whatever it is they are saying.
Our dinners are a fiasco. My brother will make some sort of political jab in an effort to engage my dad. Dad will ignore the comment and try to start a conversation on a new science article he read. Mom will be talking loudly about her work. Sisters will be gossiping. Step mother will be talking about the latest book she read. The nieces will be running around and yelling. No topic is off limits. We talk about EVERYTHING. If there is an elephant in the room, every single member of my family will comment upon it and ask questions. Religion? We'll go there. Politics? The bigger the argument the better. Sex? Yup, open for discussion. Everything.
Until now.
My husband and I had dated for a long time before we got engaged. We had a long engagement, and were peppered with the occasional question about when we were going to try for kids. The occasional peppering became constant the second after we were married. Brothers, sisters, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins twice removed- EVERYONE wanted to know when we were going to have kids. It wasn't just our families- co-workers, friends, and honestly perfect strangers wanted to know. We couldn't take two steps without fielding a question.
But then the questions stopped.
One day I woke up and realized that nobody had asked me that question in a long time. We had started TTC six months after we were married (although we were off birth control almost immediately). And at about 1 year after we were married the questions stopped. I think people at some point assume you're trying (not a big assumption- I'm 32, LOVE kids, both have a stable job, been together for 7 years), but just haven't been able to conceive. So, the questions stop.
The questions don't turn into questions about what's happening, but they just stop completely. All of a sudden my family ignores the fact that I'm the absolute best Auntie in the world, and never seems to mention kids around me.
They also tread lightly when telling me others are pregnant. My cousin-in-law got married two weeks before we did- yup, she's preggars and due in July. I was a bridesmaid in my dear friend's wedding in November of last year- she got pregnant 1 month later and didn't tell me- I had to hear it from my husband (that will be another post). My sister got pregnant in January and people still don't talk about it to me.
I know that as I move forward in this journey, it will get harder and eventually easier to handle these situations. But for now, I simply sit back and observe the silence.
Quiet Families.
My family is loud. The complete opposite of quiet. Each and every single family member firmly believes that if they speak the loudest, everyone will believe whatever it is they are saying.
Our dinners are a fiasco. My brother will make some sort of political jab in an effort to engage my dad. Dad will ignore the comment and try to start a conversation on a new science article he read. Mom will be talking loudly about her work. Sisters will be gossiping. Step mother will be talking about the latest book she read. The nieces will be running around and yelling. No topic is off limits. We talk about EVERYTHING. If there is an elephant in the room, every single member of my family will comment upon it and ask questions. Religion? We'll go there. Politics? The bigger the argument the better. Sex? Yup, open for discussion. Everything.
Until now.
My husband and I had dated for a long time before we got engaged. We had a long engagement, and were peppered with the occasional question about when we were going to try for kids. The occasional peppering became constant the second after we were married. Brothers, sisters, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins twice removed- EVERYONE wanted to know when we were going to have kids. It wasn't just our families- co-workers, friends, and honestly perfect strangers wanted to know. We couldn't take two steps without fielding a question.
But then the questions stopped.
One day I woke up and realized that nobody had asked me that question in a long time. We had started TTC six months after we were married (although we were off birth control almost immediately). And at about 1 year after we were married the questions stopped. I think people at some point assume you're trying (not a big assumption- I'm 32, LOVE kids, both have a stable job, been together for 7 years), but just haven't been able to conceive. So, the questions stop.
The questions don't turn into questions about what's happening, but they just stop completely. All of a sudden my family ignores the fact that I'm the absolute best Auntie in the world, and never seems to mention kids around me.
They also tread lightly when telling me others are pregnant. My cousin-in-law got married two weeks before we did- yup, she's preggars and due in July. I was a bridesmaid in my dear friend's wedding in November of last year- she got pregnant 1 month later and didn't tell me- I had to hear it from my husband (that will be another post). My sister got pregnant in January and people still don't talk about it to me.
I know that as I move forward in this journey, it will get harder and eventually easier to handle these situations. But for now, I simply sit back and observe the silence.
Friday, April 20, 2012
TTC 1 year, 3 months, 19 days
Who knew infertility would force you to become a mathematician.
I'm generally not a pessimist, but one thing that sucks about this entire process is health insurance. Break out your calculators and old math books, cause you're gonna need them.
I have a good job. I work for a large company and have pretty good health care coverage. But apparently I have no infertility coverage. None, zip, niente. Apparently this is normal. And, let me tell you, it sucks.
We have a deductible of $1,000 per year. Beyond that there's a 20% co-insurance. The testing I'm undergoing is covered by my insurance, but once it is no longer testing but is officially treatment, that won't be covered. Where is that line? Apparently nobody knows. In the meantime, my doctor's office is charging me 20% of the total office visits, the remainder of the balance, which I have been told by my insurance company, will simply be forwarded on to me until I hit the $1,000 mark.
So, the other day I had blood tests and a transuterine ultrasound. The office visit cost a total of $650, I paid $128. Our initial visit was $200, and I paid $50. So, by my naive calculations, I will get the bill for the entire $850, and will be well on my way to meeting my deductible. Awesome. Except, apparently as soon as I hit the $1,000 I will officially be in treatment- so no coverage.
So we have to sit down and determine if we should proceed with running things through insurance, or if we should go the cash route. When things get billed through insurance, the doctors charge an incredible amount, knowing the insurance company will pay just a fraction (as in about 10%) of that. If you offer to pay for things in cash, as opposed to insurance, the doctors will knock off 50% of their insurance price. So the end result is that doctors tend to push you towards the cash price, telling you it's much cheaper. But it's not that simple.
Let's we assume I am going to incur $10,000 in medical treatment. If I pay with cash, I will pay $5,000 (50%) of the total amount, and none of that will go towards my deductible. If I run it through insurance I will have to pay $1,000 (deductible) plus 20% of whatever the insurance negotiated rate is. If we assume the insurance negotiated rate is $1,000, then I would pay a total of 1,200 (1,000 + 200). Running it through insurance is cheaper.
The equation is simple enough- but then you add in two "moving targets." The first is, I never know when I'm going to be deemed as in treatment by my insurance company, and once that happens, I have to pay 100% of the total. So, let's say I incur $10,000 in medical treatment. I pay the $1,000 deductible and the insurance company then decides I'm in treatment- I'm still on the hook for the remaining $9,000 (unless the doctor cuts me a break).
The other moving target is knowing what the lower negotiated insurance rate is. Everyone will tell you what they are going to bill the insurance company- NOBODY will tell you what their contract with the insurance company says in terms of how much the insurance company will pay until after you've incurred the cost. Because of my job, I know that the amount the insurance company will pay is already decided before you undergo the treatment- but for some reason that information is secret and you won't get it.
If you don't know when you're insurance is going to cut you off, and if you don't know the negotiated insurance contract rate, you really can't do any of the equations. Instead, you're left doing hundreds of calculations to determine at what point would it be more cost effective to pay cash vs. insurance.
Later I'll have to add in the whole medical expenses deduction factors- if you pay over a certain percentage of your gross adjusted income in medical expenses, you can write them off. I think it's anything over 7.5% of your AGI, but I'm not sure. To be honest, I'm not really sure what my AGI is. I hate hate hate math and taxes, so the less I have to do with them, the better.
These calculations have conjured up images of my 7th grade algebra teacher- and let me tell you, nothing is less sexy.
Who knew infertility would force you to become a mathematician.
I'm generally not a pessimist, but one thing that sucks about this entire process is health insurance. Break out your calculators and old math books, cause you're gonna need them.
I have a good job. I work for a large company and have pretty good health care coverage. But apparently I have no infertility coverage. None, zip, niente. Apparently this is normal. And, let me tell you, it sucks.
We have a deductible of $1,000 per year. Beyond that there's a 20% co-insurance. The testing I'm undergoing is covered by my insurance, but once it is no longer testing but is officially treatment, that won't be covered. Where is that line? Apparently nobody knows. In the meantime, my doctor's office is charging me 20% of the total office visits, the remainder of the balance, which I have been told by my insurance company, will simply be forwarded on to me until I hit the $1,000 mark.
So, the other day I had blood tests and a transuterine ultrasound. The office visit cost a total of $650, I paid $128. Our initial visit was $200, and I paid $50. So, by my naive calculations, I will get the bill for the entire $850, and will be well on my way to meeting my deductible. Awesome. Except, apparently as soon as I hit the $1,000 I will officially be in treatment- so no coverage.
So we have to sit down and determine if we should proceed with running things through insurance, or if we should go the cash route. When things get billed through insurance, the doctors charge an incredible amount, knowing the insurance company will pay just a fraction (as in about 10%) of that. If you offer to pay for things in cash, as opposed to insurance, the doctors will knock off 50% of their insurance price. So the end result is that doctors tend to push you towards the cash price, telling you it's much cheaper. But it's not that simple.
Let's we assume I am going to incur $10,000 in medical treatment. If I pay with cash, I will pay $5,000 (50%) of the total amount, and none of that will go towards my deductible. If I run it through insurance I will have to pay $1,000 (deductible) plus 20% of whatever the insurance negotiated rate is. If we assume the insurance negotiated rate is $1,000, then I would pay a total of 1,200 (1,000 + 200). Running it through insurance is cheaper.
The equation is simple enough- but then you add in two "moving targets." The first is, I never know when I'm going to be deemed as in treatment by my insurance company, and once that happens, I have to pay 100% of the total. So, let's say I incur $10,000 in medical treatment. I pay the $1,000 deductible and the insurance company then decides I'm in treatment- I'm still on the hook for the remaining $9,000 (unless the doctor cuts me a break).
The other moving target is knowing what the lower negotiated insurance rate is. Everyone will tell you what they are going to bill the insurance company- NOBODY will tell you what their contract with the insurance company says in terms of how much the insurance company will pay until after you've incurred the cost. Because of my job, I know that the amount the insurance company will pay is already decided before you undergo the treatment- but for some reason that information is secret and you won't get it.
If you don't know when you're insurance is going to cut you off, and if you don't know the negotiated insurance contract rate, you really can't do any of the equations. Instead, you're left doing hundreds of calculations to determine at what point would it be more cost effective to pay cash vs. insurance.
Later I'll have to add in the whole medical expenses deduction factors- if you pay over a certain percentage of your gross adjusted income in medical expenses, you can write them off. I think it's anything over 7.5% of your AGI, but I'm not sure. To be honest, I'm not really sure what my AGI is. I hate hate hate math and taxes, so the less I have to do with them, the better.
These calculations have conjured up images of my 7th grade algebra teacher- and let me tell you, nothing is less sexy.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
TTC: 1 year, 3 months, 18 days
Sperm Marathon
So husband's sperm analysis is being performed today. He dutifully made his appointment for 8:00 a.m. this morning, was handed a paper bag and told to collect his semen and bring it to the doctor's office within an hour. I got up extra early and let him do his thing. And despite the pornos that some people may have in their minds, there is no "hot nurse" no :dirty magazines," just a paper sack with a collection cup, and a small sample of mineral oil to assist.
We'll know in a few days whether there's a problem with the sperm. It seems very easy for men- they take one test, if all is well, then clearly it's a problem with the woman. Women, on the other hand, have to undergo what seems like endless tests to get a potential diagnosis. My theory is, we're just very complicated beings, and one test simply won't do it.
I'm not sure if I should be hoping the sperm analysis comes back good or bad. If the answer is as simple as there's a problem with the sperm, then we've saved ourselves a long arduous process of testing for the purposes of diagnosis. On the other hand, men seem to think that sperm count is a direct tie to their manliness. No matter how much I tell the husband that it doesn't matter to me if there is a problem with his sperm, he doesn't seem to really believe me.
We'll see how it goes. In the meantime, the sperm race is on.
Sperm Marathon
So husband's sperm analysis is being performed today. He dutifully made his appointment for 8:00 a.m. this morning, was handed a paper bag and told to collect his semen and bring it to the doctor's office within an hour. I got up extra early and let him do his thing. And despite the pornos that some people may have in their minds, there is no "hot nurse" no :dirty magazines," just a paper sack with a collection cup, and a small sample of mineral oil to assist.
We'll know in a few days whether there's a problem with the sperm. It seems very easy for men- they take one test, if all is well, then clearly it's a problem with the woman. Women, on the other hand, have to undergo what seems like endless tests to get a potential diagnosis. My theory is, we're just very complicated beings, and one test simply won't do it.
I'm not sure if I should be hoping the sperm analysis comes back good or bad. If the answer is as simple as there's a problem with the sperm, then we've saved ourselves a long arduous process of testing for the purposes of diagnosis. On the other hand, men seem to think that sperm count is a direct tie to their manliness. No matter how much I tell the husband that it doesn't matter to me if there is a problem with his sperm, he doesn't seem to really believe me.
We'll see how it goes. In the meantime, the sperm race is on.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
TTC: 1 year, 3 months, 17 days
Irregular periods.
Through this process I've tracked more information about my cycle than I prefer to admit. Period flows, cervical mucus, fertility monitor status, when I have sore breasts, when I feel sick, when I have cramps, etc. I've come to know my body better than ever before. But after all these months of tracking and taking notes, I've come to the conclusion, that really, I don't know much about my cycle.
I do know, I have irregular periods.
What does that mean? For me, it means cycle lengths that vary from 29-47 days long. It means my period can last anywhere from 3-7 days long. It means I have no regular peak fertility cycle. It means that some cycles I need to break out the super heavy duty tampons, and sometimes a light pad will work.
It's frustrating. If I had a regular cycle, things would be much easier. We'd be able to gauge, with some sort of certainty my fertile days. But alas, my body is a mystery, and it's frustrating.
Take today for example. I went to the doctors ready to start my clomid challenge test, but I've been only spotting for three days, and am still not having a full flow- required to start the test. The nurse asks if this spotting is normal for me- and my answer is simply, nothing's normal for me. Some months I spot, others I don't. Life would be easier if I could just say, "why yes, this is normal" or "no, this isn't."
Perhaps the irregularity is contributing to our inability to get pregnant. I'd love to be like my countless friends, who have regular periods, calculate their fertile days, and voila, they're pregnant the next month.
But this is the path I will walk, the one that I'm in.
<a href="http://www.hypersmash.com%22%3ehypersmash.com%3c/a>
Irregular periods.
Through this process I've tracked more information about my cycle than I prefer to admit. Period flows, cervical mucus, fertility monitor status, when I have sore breasts, when I feel sick, when I have cramps, etc. I've come to know my body better than ever before. But after all these months of tracking and taking notes, I've come to the conclusion, that really, I don't know much about my cycle.
I do know, I have irregular periods.
What does that mean? For me, it means cycle lengths that vary from 29-47 days long. It means my period can last anywhere from 3-7 days long. It means I have no regular peak fertility cycle. It means that some cycles I need to break out the super heavy duty tampons, and sometimes a light pad will work.
It's frustrating. If I had a regular cycle, things would be much easier. We'd be able to gauge, with some sort of certainty my fertile days. But alas, my body is a mystery, and it's frustrating.
Take today for example. I went to the doctors ready to start my clomid challenge test, but I've been only spotting for three days, and am still not having a full flow- required to start the test. The nurse asks if this spotting is normal for me- and my answer is simply, nothing's normal for me. Some months I spot, others I don't. Life would be easier if I could just say, "why yes, this is normal" or "no, this isn't."
Perhaps the irregularity is contributing to our inability to get pregnant. I'd love to be like my countless friends, who have regular periods, calculate their fertile days, and voila, they're pregnant the next month.
But this is the path I will walk, the one that I'm in.
<a href="http://www.hypersmash.com%22%3ehypersmash.com%3c/a>
TTC: 1 year, 3 months, 17 days
So here it goes. My first post. I'm not much of a blogger, indeed, not much of a "sharer." I never kept a journal, I tend to keep my secrets close to my heart, and rarely share them with anyone. But this journey may be different. It's a hard journey. One I travel with my loving husband. But we've agreed to not tell our friends and family our story for now, so I'm left wanting to talk about my experience, but unable to do so. That's when I decided to take it digital and anonymous. So here we go.
My first post will be a short timeline of TTC/lives to date.
2001- Informed by random nurse practioner that I may have PCOS- although she performed no tests to confirm the same. I don't follow up.
2004- Met the husband while in school.
2006- We went on our first date.
2009- Husband proposes in the most romantic fashion ever.
10/9/2010- We got married.
12/2010- We got off birth control.
1/1/2011- We're officially TTC. We purchased the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor to assist us in this endeavor.
2/2012- We get concerned and decide to make an appointment with a fertility specialist the first appointment available is a month away.
3/30/2012- We meet with our fertility specialist. He goes over the process, what to expect, and then rushes us into the financial coordinator's office to discuss just how much this is all going to cost. Details and numbers fly around the room, and after we leave, Husband and I are more confused than before, and still have no real concept about how much this is going to cost. Darn insurance companies/health insurance industry.
4/18/12- I have an appointment to start Clomid challenge test. I've been spotting for three days, but my full flow isn't here yet. Doctor decides he can't start Clomid challenge test until I've got a full flow. He performs a vaginal ultrasound (talk about uncomfortable), and tells me my ovaries look good. I also give a blood sample so he can see if I'm pregnant (two pregnancy tests this month say I'm not).
So here it goes. My first post. I'm not much of a blogger, indeed, not much of a "sharer." I never kept a journal, I tend to keep my secrets close to my heart, and rarely share them with anyone. But this journey may be different. It's a hard journey. One I travel with my loving husband. But we've agreed to not tell our friends and family our story for now, so I'm left wanting to talk about my experience, but unable to do so. That's when I decided to take it digital and anonymous. So here we go.
My first post will be a short timeline of TTC/lives to date.
2001- Informed by random nurse practioner that I may have PCOS- although she performed no tests to confirm the same. I don't follow up.
2004- Met the husband while in school.
2006- We went on our first date.
2009- Husband proposes in the most romantic fashion ever.
10/9/2010- We got married.
12/2010- We got off birth control.
1/1/2011- We're officially TTC. We purchased the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor to assist us in this endeavor.
2/2012- We get concerned and decide to make an appointment with a fertility specialist the first appointment available is a month away.
3/30/2012- We meet with our fertility specialist. He goes over the process, what to expect, and then rushes us into the financial coordinator's office to discuss just how much this is all going to cost. Details and numbers fly around the room, and after we leave, Husband and I are more confused than before, and still have no real concept about how much this is going to cost. Darn insurance companies/health insurance industry.
4/18/12- I have an appointment to start Clomid challenge test. I've been spotting for three days, but my full flow isn't here yet. Doctor decides he can't start Clomid challenge test until I've got a full flow. He performs a vaginal ultrasound (talk about uncomfortable), and tells me my ovaries look good. I also give a blood sample so he can see if I'm pregnant (two pregnancy tests this month say I'm not).
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